Building on Noah’s Ark: Clergy Couples in Ministry

Phyllis Tyler Wayman

 

An article reprinted from "The Christian Ministry," 14 No. 3 (May 1983), p. 31-32.

 

 

         …and he began to send them out two by two, and gave them authority over the unclean spirits [Mark 6:7].

 

         For 12 years my husband and I have “gone two by two” into the church and into the world as ordained United Methodist clergy.

         During that time we have experienced a district superintendent who admonished me not to breast-feed my second child because breast-feeding is unbecoming to a clergywoman, and another who felt that men ought not to be involved in child care. We have experienced a retired clergyman and wife who told me that if I really loved the church I would not accept a salary. We have experienced critical comments about out hair – too much or too little, too light or too dark. We have experienced a congregation that would come to me to speak against my husband’s work and go to him to speak about his shortcomings.

         But, by God’s grace, we have ministered in three congregations and one national agency as a team, and individually ministered in a campus ministry and a local church. We have been nurtured by the people, and we have nurtured them through bible studies, preaching, group involvement in community activities, youth groups and administration of the church.

         We have grown in our conviction that the message of the church is vital to life in our world today. We have become increasingly convinced that the message of the good news is an overturning message. It upsets people. It forces the hearers to look at their lives in new ways. It forces all of us to reach out to others.

         The authority given to those sent two by two was an authority “over unclean spirits,” writes the author of the Gospel of Mark. Those “unclean spirits” of our ministry include the racial and sexual and economic class prejudices of the larger society and of the local church. The unclean spirits of our ministry are manifested when the spirit or life of a person, a church, a city or a nation is thwarted.

         The ministry of the clergy couple – both husband  wife ordained, salaried and working for the church and its ministry – is a growing phenomenon. In the Pacific and Southwest Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church there are 14 couples both ordained and serving under appointment.

         Larry and I delight in a mutual support of each other’s service to the church. We use each other as consultants for committees for which we have responsibility. We lean on each other for perspective. We confront each other at times of disagreement. We laugh together at humorous situations. We keep going “two by two” because it is stronger that way. We keep going two by two because our two children are with us as we move in one direction. Our life circumstances may find us not working together in the future, but for now, it is our choice.

         The best part of the 12 years in the ordained ministry has been having a colleague through all the varied tasks of professional ministry. It is like a continuation of the sermonic clinic classes we experienced in our Wesley Seminary days in Washington, D.C. Larry and I have each other for the “renewal of our spirits.”

         The second-best part is the dialogical strength that comes in our conversation during preaching, administration, teaching and counseling. We use each other. We learn from each other. Our people participate and observe this model of clergy “two by two.” The people are given a model of working together.

 

A Theology of Two by Two

 

         Noah understood the value of “two by two.” Because they had each other, the creatures of the ark survived the flood and were fruitful. Larry and I continue to learn the value of “two by two” as we work together in the life of the church.

         The seventh chapter of Genesis reminds us that Noah was instructed to take “the creatures of each species upon the ark . . .to keep their kind alive upon the face of all the earth.” And after the Great Flood, God instructed the creatures two by two to go forth from the ark “and to be fruitful upon the earth.”

         The local parish ministry is not a solo journey. The sole pastor, in order to survive, seeks community – one or more persons for support and liveliness. The ordained clergy couple appointed to the same charge bring a head start on community building.

         We find that our 14 years of married dialogue about children, finances, dreams and living with people in this diverse world have provided a lively ground for our staff relationship as two clergy at the same charge. We come together with different ideas and ways of doing things. We differ on matters ranging from the role of finances and stewardship in a congregation to the development of a liturgy for a worship service. But the diversity we bring “to the ark” of our local church offers a head start toward the diversity that our people bring.

         The diversity of races and languages and ways in the total United Methodist Church is filled with possibility and excitement. Just as the clergy couple must continue to work at communication with the diversity we bring to any task, so much more the diversity of cultures and backgrounds moves through disagreement, agreement, growth and finally “coming to terms.” The theology of the ark finds expression in working situations as my husband and I argue, agree, disagree, hug, laugh and move along in the tasks of the ministry.

         We are grateful to Noah and the Ark creatures for beginning a theology of mutual strength, appreciation and cooperation that resulted in fruitfulness. That theology of two-by-two is the beginning of community in the church, whatever the Great Flood that surrounds it, whatever the unclean spirits that move through the ministry and the larger community. The theology of two-by-two was initiated by God and accepted and carried out by Noah and the Ark creatures. It was a covenant of promise.

         And Jesus continued the process of “two by two” as the Gospel of Mark reminds us. The early church was built on “two by two” because of the strength in community. No one ought to be alone in completing any task in the church.  In the body of Christ we have “each other for the renewal of our spirits.”

         For us as a clergy couple, life and ministry are intertwined with five covenants. The covenants are most often complementary and occasionally conflicting. They are mutual promises of trust and faithfulness initiated by God and accepted by us. They are continually renewed as we enter each new day of life.

 

Keeping the Covenants

 

         First, we have entered our covenant with a living, caring, forgiving God. That covenant is based upon the expression of Jeremiah 31:33, “I will be their God and they will be my people.” The ancient covenant is carried on in the words of Jesus as recorded in Matthew 26:25, “This is my blood of the new covenant.” As a couple, we pray together. We speak of God’s presence and sometimes apparent absence in the “times of our lives.” We create a sermon each week, sometimes individually but most often as a team effort. We both develop the proposition and alternate preaching points. During sermon preparation, Bible commentary, book research and life with the congregation, Larry and I are reminded of our covenants with God. God is forever creating anew the ways to express womanhood and manhood. They are ways new to each other, our family and our ministry. Through our covenant with God we continue to discover Her and Him, as a God renewing, forgiving, sustaining us through the times of family-member relationships, in the congregation and in the community. Our God with whom we continue in covenant is a God with whom we talk, argue, laugh and cry.

         The second covenant of our lives is a covenant of respect for each other’s individual selves, developed in mutual trust. We give each other room and permission to grow individually.

         Larry cares for the children while I am involved in classes, music, jogging and continuing-education experiences. I care for the children while he pursues his Ph.D. efforts, jogging and time alone. We rejoice at our separate endeavors and are with each other through the failures.

         The third covenant of life together involves our marriage. We met while students in seminary. We allow for our idiosyncrasies – Larry waits until Sunday morning to write his part of the sermon; I begin the prior Sunday and make three written drafts. We alternate years of being guardian of the family financial resources with times of having separate checking accounts.

         Our marriage includes one day a week as a family, with an evening just for Larry and me. It is a time to give attention to one another and our marriage.  We leave the church on its own for a day. We arrange for child care and nourish ourselves with a dinner or special entertainment event. We talk about each other, our marriage and our dreams, our joys and sadnesses. We vow never to “put down the other member in a hurtful way.” We argue and shout as well as laugh and tease. We take turns during the week caring for the household tasks of cleaning. I have done most of the cooking and grocery shopping because I enjoy this task. The garbage gets taken out by one of us, the clothes and dishes get washed. We negotiate when one or the other is upset on matters of home care.

         Our fourth covenant is with our parenting of two children. We understand the boys – Samuel, age seven, and Nathaniel, age one – not as “our children,” but as gifts from God: persons to care for, to nurture, to learn from and to enjoy. We take time with the children. Larry is with the boys more often than I because he so greatly enjoys the parenting role. A motto we share with others who ask is “It’s not easy, but it’s possible.”

         Our fifth covenant is with our ministry. It is intertwined with the other four. For example, we get sermon illustrations from our marriage, our family, ourselves and our wrestling with God. We work on ministry at all hours of the day and night as we talk with people on the phone; visit them at their homes and places of work and in the church parking lot; meet with people in committees; work on administration in our office; negotiate with the local newspaper on advertising; relate to the neighborhood children, and listen to and guide transient people.

         The ministry for which we are ordained is with us 24 hours a day. It is a covenantal ministry because we agree to be in mutual service to the church – to care for it and with it as the body of Christ. We endure with laughter and rage its foolishness; we are exhilarated by its expressions of care. We are ever surprised as we discover people enriched by communion with the Body of Christ and challenged by the word of Good News that overturns their lives. The covenant of ministry with the church finds food and expression in all of the encounters in our lives. Our ministry of going ‘two by two” is undergirded with a theology of our covenant with God and enriched by the covenants with ourselves, our marriage and our children.

         As the survivors of the Great Flood went forth “two by two” to be fruitful, we trust that our ministry and our lives are fruitful and strengthened as we serve in the tradition begun by Noah and the creatures of the Ark.