Ralph L. and Mary Cline Detrick
Parish Ministries Staff, Church of the
Brethren, Elgin, Illinois
ABSTRACT: Defines a
“clergy couple” as a married couple, each person ordained or licensed, and each
employed by the church. Gives current
statistics on the number of clergy couples in eleven denominations. Describes how it works in practice in a
variety of arrangements. Lists the
advantages for a congregation and for the couple. Describes some problem areas for some couples. Lists some characteristics of a successful
clergy couple ministry. Asserts that
clergy couples are a growing phenomenon and concludes that it is a legitimate,
visible option for ministry.
Bill and Sue met in seminary, married and graduated together. They wished to work together as pastors in
the same parish. Their clergy profile
was sent to congregations indicating the availability of a clergy couple. They accepted a call to a congregation where
they have served for the last eight years.
They share the same job description
and each is employed one-half time.
Preaching and worship leadership is shared equally. They divide responsibilities for committee
meetings and administrative tasks.
Except for the first few months after the birth of each of their two
children, both have had part-time employment elsewhere. Both share equally in the homemaking and
parenting responsibilities.
Who are Clergy Couples?
Clergy couples are a new and growing
phenomenon that has mushroomed in the last five years. Clergy couples are variously defined by
denominations. For the purpose of this
article, a clergy couple is a married couple, each person ordained or licensed,
and each employed by the church.
There are varied patterns for
ministry. Each may be individually employed by and serve in separate
congregations, either full or part time.
Both may jointly serve two or more congregations, in a variety of time
arrangements. One may be employed by a
church related institution, and the other in a parish. At least three denominations have a total of
four positions staffed by a married couple, sharing the position equally.
For couples serving the same parish
there are a variety of patterns. Each
person may have a separate position description, or they may share the same
position. They may share one full time
position, each one half time, or in other time patterns. They may share a one and one half time or
two full time positions. Some couples
who share a single full time position, negotiate a five eighths salary each, to
cover anticipated double time.
A Growing Phenomenon
Clergy couple activity has increased
to the point that a major consultation was held in October, 1978, at Kings
Island Inn, Mason, Ohio, for clergy couples.
The four day event was sponsored by Professional Church Leadership of
the National Council of Churches. It
was attended by one hundred and thirteen clergy couples from twelve main-line North
American denominations, plus forty denominational representatives and resource
people. It was estimated that there
were between six hundred fifty and a thousand clergy couples in the
denominations represented in the consultation.2
The denominations in Table 1
represent a sample of the activity of clergy couples in North America, as of
July 1981. The numbers are approximate
and represent a variety of types of clergy couples.
The numbers vary, but from one third
to one half of the clergy couples in the above denominations are employed by
the same parish. The exception is the
United Methodist Church, where most couples serve in different settings because
they have only recently been permitted part time employment, thus allowing job
sharing in the same parish.
Table 1
Number
and Breakdown of Clergy Couples
American
Baptist Churches 56
American
Lutheran Church 35-40 (1/3
same position in parish
1/3
separate positions in same
parish,
1/3 separate parishes.)
Church
of the Brethren 30 (20 same parish)
Christian
Church (Disciples of
Christ 100
Episcopal
Church 50 (10 same parish)
Lutheran Church in America 38 (21
same parish)
(17
in separate parishes)
Presbyterian
Church, US 47
United
Church of Canada 80 (1/3 same parish)
United
Church of Christ 150-175 (1/2 serving together)
United
Methodist Church 300 (most in different settings)
United
Presbyterian Church
USA 150 (50 separate positions in same
parish,
28
same position in parish,
72
different parishes or agencies)
Several denominations have adopted
policies related to pensions, hospitalizations and housing, to take into
account the special circumstance of clergy couples. Some denominations have staff whose job description includes
working with clergy couples. Having an
adequate profile for job placement of clergy couples is an issue facing the
ministry departments of national denominational offices.
The rest of this article is
addressed to the practice of a couple who are employed by the same congregation
or congregations, either sharing an identical job description or different
positions in the same parish. Both
persons are pastors who are available to all the members of the parish for some
type of pastoral service. However, the
comments about marriage and family life will apply to clergy couples of all
types.
How it Works in Practice
The way clergy couples function in
ministry is as varied as the number of couples. A key issue for the couple to decide early on is their style of
sharing. For those who have the same
job description the question is, will they share everything; do joint planning,
and take turns doing various tasks; or will they do parallel work, dividing up
major responsibilities and overlapping only occasionally?
For couples who have separate
position descriptions, this question is already answered in theory. But, in practice, there may be persons who
prefer to go to one or the other pastor for counseling or opinions whether or
not that is his or her responsibility.
Most clergy couples choose to divide
responsibilities according to individual talent and interest with the needs of
the parish in mind. Rather than for
both to attend all committee meetings, these are divided up, with one pastor
meeting regularly with the nurture committee, and the other with the witness
committee, for example.
Pulpit visibility is a key concern
for many. Often it takes time for the
woman to establish herself as pastor rather than the “real pastor’s helper.” Providing worship leadership, preaching, and
administering the sacraments are important for visibility of the woman pastor
in clergy couples.
For a clergy couple, regular staff
meetings are essential. There must be
time to share what happened at last night’s meeting, to do short and long range
planning, to evaluate, and most important, to provide support and encouragement
for one another. Time set aside to
“check in” is crucial.
Who does weddings, funerals and
counseling may depend on which pastor is requested, and often both are
asked. Many clergy couples prefer to do
co-counseling, especially for couples and families. This has the advantage of male/female representation as well as
the perspective of two people.
The way a couple share a job often
changes over time. The pastors develop
new skills and interests, the needs of a congregation change, so the
configuration changes. Some couples
begin with the intent to share equally in all tasks, but after some experience
they find it more practicable to delineate responsibilities within the same
position description.
Advantages to a Congregation
Hiring two pastors who are married
to each other has a number of advantages.
It is often mentioned that one advantage is getting two for the price of
one. However, this should never be
lifted up as an advantage, because it should never be considered an advantage
to take advantage of a couple in this way.
Position descriptions need to be realistic and clearly stated. Salary should be adequate for the amount of
time intended. If it is a one full time
position, with each pastor employed one-half time, then the parish is getting
two one-half time people for the price of one.
It is a disservice to the congregation and to the couple to expect more.
One advantage of a clergy couple is
the visibility of women in ministry.
For a congregation who may have problems with a woman as clergy, a
clergy couple can be a way to “ease into” accepting women in ministry. The parish benefits when the gifts of a
woman as pastor are available.
The availability of two pastors who
represent tow personalities and both sexes increases the possibility that
parishioners will have a pastor who is “on their wave length.” A parishioner isn’t stuck with just one option. Clergy couples frequently say that women and
sometimes men prefer the woman for counseling.
The parishioners have a choice.
A couple can embody the Gospel
through personal illustration and example.
They can model healthy ways of communicating, including dealing with
differences. They can model openness,
trust, sharing, equality, partnership, mutuality and dealing with struggle and
pain.
Traditional ministry has often been
hierarchical, with the clergyman as leader.
A clergy couple demonstrate shared leadership and mutual decision
making. Women and men can have
egalitarian work patterns, the priesthood of all believers can be lived out in
practice. Modeling partnership in
ministry can help the Word become flesh for others.
There is the advantage of team
planning, team leadership and team evaluation.
A more creative product comes from the stimulation of two working at a
task. Two heads are truly better than
one. In this sense, the congregation
does get two for the price of one.
The Gospel is varied and never just
one perspective. Two persons preaching
will more likely represent the diversity in the congregation. When the clergy couple feels free to
disagree about theology and Bible interpretation, this facilitates more open
sharing among others. It teaches that
it’s okay to disagree, that people can be comfortable and accepting in the
midst of difference.
The counseling ministry is often
strengthened. Not only are there two
persons to choose from, but the couple can help put others at ease who may have
been afraid of going for counseling. If
the clergy couple is appropriately open about their joys and struggles, others
will perceive they are approachable and can identify with their struggles.
The main disadvantage to a
congregation is dealing with the precedent set by a successful clergy couple
ministry. One pastor strongly
disapproved of clergy couples because they would be a hard act to follow. He would never follow a clergy couple in a
pastorate. Another risk to a
congregation which hires a clergy couple relates to the strength of the
marriage. The character of every
marriage changes and even a strong marriage will have cycles of tension during
the term of the pastorate. The couple
with an insecure marriage will be a high risk for a congregation.
Advantages for a Couple
Being a clergy couple can provide
employment as another arena for marriage intimacy. Along with sharing intimacy in the areas of homemaking,
parenting, sex, etc., many couples desire to add their professional life as
another arena for sharing. It is
similar to a couple who are in business together, or who operate a family farm.
When both share the pastorate, the
burden is not on one person to “be all things to all people.” There is a sharing of the load. Two persons sharing one job increases the
possibility of utilizing each person’s gifts and skills. Rather than being spread thin, each person
can concentrate in fewer areas. A
couple can also negotiate to share the disagreeable tasks.
Already mentioned is the increased creativity
of two persons working at a task. Two
people stir each other’s imagination.
There is someone else to provide a check and balance. There is another person available if one
“goes dry.”
Persons in clergy couples are able
to have part-time employment which permits shared parenting. A mother can also be professionally employed
and a father can also be homemaker and active parent. Many men are tired of having primary financial responsibility for
the family and want to be more involved with their children. Many women want to be mothers and continue
their professional life.
Many persons are committed to
equality and mutuality in marriage.
Sharing a job helps a couple face their sexist assumptions. Sharing homemaking and child care and
deciding the preaching schedule provide daily opportunity to work at equality
on a very practical level.
Some Problem Areas for Some Couples
One characteristic of most clergy
couples is a clear commitment not to live according to strict assumptions. However, even the most committed couple is
not free of sexism. The issue of
authority and dominance is real for many couples.
The clergy couple’s marriage is very
transparent. People will quickly pick
up any indication that one or the other really has the last word. It is one thing to defer to each other in
areas of special talent, but when decisions are made where both need to
participate, it is important that one is not always deferring to the other. If either is insecure in the marriage or in
the job, an imbalance will occur that will be perceived as a weakness of the
team, not of just one person.
Another potential problem area is
competition. Two strong individuals who
each feel the need to best the other will not work. One person who feels inadequate may fight for recognition and
compete with the spouse in an attempt to get strokes. Two persons who feel good about themselves, however, will each
welcome the strength of the other person as a stimulus to perform well, rather
than see it as a negative force.
Boundary confusion is another
problem area. The writer of an article
on a clergy couple for a local newspaper said, “The ministry is the marriage
and the marriage is the ministry.” This
unfortunate blurring of the boundaries results in an inadequate living out of
the marriage, and a weak ministry.
A couple needs a strong sense of the
personality of their marriage, and out of that strength, engage in
ministry. Boundary confusion between
marriage and ministry is one of the problems most frequently mentioned by
clergy couples.
Another danger is the infringement
of the job on family time. Discussing
last night’s committee meeting at the breakfast table and planning the youth
program at the supper table leaves the kids out of family time. Children of clergy couples are P.K.’s twice
over. It is the responsibility of the
parents to protect family time, to provide sharing space for children.
Although much progress is being made
regarding women as clergy, many clergy couples discover a continuing issue with
congregational attitudes toward the wife who is pastor. Regardless of the visibility of the woman,
it is often a long time before some persons in the congregation are able to get
beyond the assumption that the man is the pastor and the woman is his helper.
It may be financial sacrifice to be
a clergy couple. For many families it
is hard to make it on one income.
Pension and social security don’t accumulate fast if each is credited
with half of a full-time salary.
When a couple becomes pastors
together before establishing themselves as a married couple, or before each
person has become an autonomous individual, the ministry is in jeopardy. It overloads the circuits to establish an
identity, as a person, as a couple, as parents, and as clergy all at the same
time. This is a serious problem for
young couples who share a pastorate right out of seminary.
Characteristics of a Successful Clergy Couple Ministry
The key to a successful clergy
couple is the quality of the marriage.
A satisfying marriage depends greatly on two autonomous persons who can
relate from personal strength, and who, therefore, are interdependent.
It is especially important that
persons in a clergy couple have other close friends. Sharing job, marriage, parenting, and homemaking involves danger
of the couple becoming too enmeshed.
There need to be spaces in the togetherness. Other close intimate friends can provide a buffer to too much
togetherness.
Each person in the couple needs to
feel strong and worthwhile alone. To
welcome separateness and aloneness is a necessary balance to all the
sharing. Having time to be alone and
feeling good about being alone brings strength to the sharing.
A clergy couple needs to be good
friends. They are professional
colleagues. They need to really like
each other, respect, trust and appreciate each other. They need to see each other as separate worthwhile persons, with
unique gifts, perspectives, and working styles.
They must have a compatible working
arrangement. This is primarily a matter
of attitude and spirit. One couple with
opposite working styles (one a dreamer, the other an organizer) may be very
compatible because they rejoice in complementing each other. For another couple the difference may be a
constant source of friction and pain.
A clergy couple must manage time
well. Setting priorities, keeping track
of how time is spent, separating professional and family time – these are
critical tasks to keep the weekly schedule from becoming chaotic.
Conclusion
The growth of clergy couples has
paralleled the entrance of women into the ministry. Some pastors’ wives are going back to school, becoming ordained,
and joining their husbands in ministry.
More women than ever are in seminary.
Women and men with similar vocational interests are meeting, marrying,
and some will become clergy couples.
To be a clergy couple serving a
parish may be the right thing for a couple to do at a particular time in their
life. It may also be the right thing
for a congregation at a particular time in its history. It is not necessarily a superior
arrangement, but for some couples and some congregations, it may be. It needs to be seen as a legitimate model, a
viable option for ministry with advantages and dangers as in any other
arrangement.
1.
Editor’s Note: This
article, as submitted, carried the title “Clergy Couples.” This term, as the readers soon will
discover, is used to describe what I, and others, have described as “two-clergy
couples,” or “two-clergy marriages.”
The term “clergy couple” has been widely used in the past (since at
least 1951) to describe any marriage involving a clergy member, and it is so
used in four of the five articles in this issue.
I am aware
that in 1978 the Ohio Consultation for two-clergy couple firmly claimed the
title “clergy couples” with the intent of changing the earlier usage. Only the future will determine which usage
will ultimately win general acceptance.
In order
to avoid confusion, however, I decided to change the title of this article; but
within the article itself, the original terminology of the authors remains
unchanged.
Ralph L.
Detrick has shared employment, parenting and homemaking with his wife, Mary,
for the last seven years. Both are
employed by the Church of the Brethren with responsibilities for Life Cycle
Ministry, Youth/Young Adult Ministry and Person Awareness in Elgin, Illinois.
2. A 57-page report of this Consultation entitled Clergy
Couples is available from Professional Church
Leadership Office, National Council of Churches, Room 770,
475 Riverside Dr, NY, NY 10115.