Watching from the truck…

CMS Information Bulletin: “Starting school is much more difficult on parents than on children…”

Jackson started kindergarten last Tuesday. The CMS materials we received also made it clear that parents are allowed to walk children to their classes for the first week or so. Often children will need this in order to be comfortable in their new setting. One day was enough for Jackson. He had his orientation day on Tuesday, and then we returned for a first, full day on Friday. “I’ll go to my class by myself today, dad,” he said. “Oh… Sure, buddy,” I said.

“No problem.”

This morning, he was the proverbial “BMOC.” “Hello, Mrs. Beasley,” he said to the principal as she opened the door to help him out of my truck. “See ya, dad.” (I thought they were supposed to stop hugging and kissing you when they got out of the car in junior high school. He’s been a student for three days!)

As I turned to leave, I couldn’t help but turn to look. Jackson, in shorts and tennis shoes… (wasn’t he just born last November?), book bag on his back, trinkets dangling… (“Maybe he’ll look back to wave?”), marching up those long, cement steps… (“I love you, buddy.”), disappeared at the top… (no look).

Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon.

“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when -- but we’ll get together then, dad.

You know we’ll have a good time, then. (Harry Chapin, “Cats in the Cradle”)

I really was not saddened by the picture of my five-year-old turning his back on dad and facing his future with such confidence. But I couldn’t help but be a bit nostalgic. Everyone tells you from the day they’re born, “Enjoy these moments -- they grow up too soon.” And I have tried to heed everyone’s advice. Every cry in the night. Every dirty diaper. Every first -- word, step, tooth, day in school… Every laugh. Every hug. Every moment together. I’ve tried. Honestly. I’ve tried. But even if you’re trying -- one minute is still just one minute, and five years is still just… Well, not close to enough.

I have been told that Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the famous German theologian who was executed by Hitler, said that what God wants most from us is for us to grow up and realize that we can get along just fine without God. Maybe his strange remark resembles Jesus’ comment, “Be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” (Perfection is maturity, not flawless living.)

So if faith is: No tears. No hugs. No looking back. Just hitting the steps. And heading for the top. I can buy that. But the question remains…

Is God still watching from the truck?