The Park Road Pulpit
Sermons from Park Road Baptist Church
Russ and Amy Jacks Dean, Pastors
Help Thou My Unbelief
John 20:19-31
Amy Jacks Dean, April 28, 2002
It was February of 1989 and I was 22 years old when life became truly complicated for me – and I blame Dr. Glen Stassen for it all. In the fall semester of our first year in Louisville, I had only attended classes part-time – a New Testament class on Monday nights – while I taught first grade full-time. As Christmas break approached, Russ and I discussed the possibility of me quitting my full-time job to become a full-time student. Money would be tight, alright, but what is the cost of a “calling?” So I resigned after one semester of teaching school and enrolled at the seminary as a full-time student. All of the first year basic classes were full. I would have to use some of my elective hours this first semester to fill out my schedule and catch up with Theology, Old Testament, and Church History later on. I had not heard of Dr. Stassen, and I certainly had absolutely no interest at all in the class he was teaching entitled “Biblical Ethics on Christian Peacemaking,” but it was the only class with an opening that I could fit into my schedule that now revolved around classes and part-time jobs teaching preschool gymnastics and refereeing intramural volleyball. To this day, I credit that class and that professor with changing my life and shaking my world. Nothing would ever be easy again. All of my neat and tidy packages of God and religion and faith were torn apart that semester and nothing has been the same since – thank God. For you see, once you call one thing into question – everything is questionable. Thirteen ago, I began the journey of becoming a Doubter, and that has made all the difference.
What a difficult text we face today. All of John chapter 20 is dedicated to the Resurrection appearances to the disciples. First the empty tomb and Jesus’ appearance to Mary Magdalene; then that same evening the appearance to the disciples in the locked room appearing to all except Thomas; finally, one week later, an appearance to Thomas – the Doubter. Isn’t it interesting that each gospel covers the stories of the resurrection appearances differently? They all tell an empty tomb story, they all include the presence of Mary Magdalene, they each mention the appearance of an angel(s), but after that “each Gospel goes its own way in recounting resurrection traditions . . . [Commentator Gail O’Day says] the remarkable variation among the Gospels suggests that the early church had a rich tradition of resurrection stories and that the [writers of each gospel story] employed narrative and theological freedom in incorporating these traditions into their Gospels.” (New Interpreter’s Vol IX, page 838)
So what is one to do with this text for today – a text that brims with sermonic material: why were the disciples gathered together on that first night of resurrection? – were they planning something or did they just need to rehash again the events of the last few days?; and why were the doors locked? (the text says it was “for fear of the Jews”) – what was it they were afraid of? death, imprisonment, association with one another, accusations because of the company they kept?; what does it mean to be “breathed upon” by the risen Christ?; and what is this about us having the capability (and capacity?) to forgive and retain the sins of any?; where was Thomas anyway?; and who did he think he was demanding visual/tangible proof of a risen Christ?; how was it that Jesus kept slipping into their midst without so much as a knock at the door?; - the sermon possibilities are endless, but today I want to focus on the bad wrap that Thomas has gotten over the years.
He is labeled “doubting,” and this phrase “doubting Thomas” has become a part of our common vernacular. We have labeled him as skeptical, cynical, and disbelieving, and I believe because of all of the baggage that comes with this Thomas story, The Church has sought to do away with doubt and has tried to replace doubt with certainty. But that is not faith. The Church has sought to encourage the learning of answers as opposed to the asking of questions. But that is not faith. We are not a people that likes unanswered questions. We are uncomfortable with mystery, and therefore we step into a world of easy answers that always moves straight to “God’s will” or the “not for us to know” categories. The Church has allowed Thomas to do us a disservice.
I commend Doubting Thomas to you today as a way in which to live with resurrection. As we focus our thoughts in these weeks following Easter, these Sundays of Easter have something to teach us about what it means to live with resurrection. And today we learn that living with resurrection must have something to do with doubting and questioning and seeking and probing – and maybe even some demanding of tangible proof – though it does not exist – for if it did, there would be no need for faith. We should be outraged at anyone who would require us to believe the unbelievable. We should be frustrated and even vexed at those who offer pat answers and trite phrases that would try to explain who God is and how God works. We should be sick of an easy and certain faith. We should call into question anyone who would breed fear into those who doubt – for I tell you the truth this day – my faith is stronger because of my doubts.
It is a frightening thing to preach doubting, yet today I encourage you to do just that. Doubt a little. Question a lot. Most of all, think. Prior to my encounter with Dr. Stassen, I was too afraid to do any of that. Sometimes I was just too lazy. For this kind of faith takes courage and energy and work. Those liberating days at Southern Seminary were too short, for once I started working in a church and trying to put into practice all that I had learned, I quickly realized that the people were not ready to hear my questions and doubts and uncertainties. And it is easy to get caught up in the habit of faith – so much so that you stop thinking about theology and just do the programs of church and it’s the “same ole same ole” all over again - until I came here and found a new sense of excitement in my own questioning and thinking and doubting again. This part of my faith journey had been stagnant for much too long, but I have found that it is like riding a bike – you never forget how.
I cannot study this text from John without saying to you that I doubt that this actually, literally occurred. I doubt that there was a physical appearance of Jesus with open wounds that Thomas could stick his hands into. The most honest answer I can give is that I don’t know what happened with any of these “resurrection appearances” and to say anything about them with certainty would be a lie. I doubt those disciples saw anything, but I believe they experienced everything.
What I can say is that the stories have withstood the test of time, and they are still being read and told today in churches all over the world. This story from John’s gospel today is an attempt to bear witness to the fact that God is with us, in our midst, among us – wounded and scarred by our own malicious ways – yet offering peace at every turn. If you want to know what a preacher learns after a week of study and thinking and questioning and doubting – that was it - that God is with us, in our midst, among us – wounded and scarred by our own malicious ways – yet offering peace at every turn. And I would not have known that without Thomas’ story.
I have not seen, yet I do believe.
Shortly after Carlyle Marney’s death, David Matthews, then pastor of FBC, Greenville, SC, told this story in his church’s newsletter. Marney had just preached at FBC, Greenville a few months prior to his death. His topic had been death and the church. Marney said, “Have you been subtly swallowed up by that terrible temptation to believe that our life here is all there is? Do you believe most days that death is unbridgeable, that the grave is a dead end, and that we must come to terms with what we’ve got as being all there is? And this is why we work so hard to enjoy, enjoy? Well, if you have, this is not the Christian church. The church of the Lord Jesus began by dealing with that enemy fartherest out: death; and closest to us. The Lord’s death and our death. And who is he now? It’s a new dimension. If he is this sort of Lord, if he is the greatest bridge-builder; and if his church includes this – what closer ground does he aim for us to inhabit?”
That night after church, David Matthews and L.D. Johnson gave Marney a ride back to his motel. From the backseat L.D. commented to Marney on his sermon that evening: “Marney, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you believe in the resurrection.” Marney quickly quipped over his shoulder, “Well I do . . . . when I’m around the right people.” Then David Matthews adds his own commentary: “What I’m able to believe depends largely on the company I keep.” (Story from a FBC Greenville newletter column by David Matthews)
I keep good company. Thomas kept good company. Thirteen years ago, I kept good company with professors and classmates and friends, and a church and my life was changed for the better. And now I’m still keeping good company.
In her own
struggles for belief, Kathleen Norris admits that “the desire for worship is in
itself a significant form of belief.” When she admitted her private agonies over
church-going her pastor said, “I have no idea why people are there on any given
Sunday; it seems a miracle to me. I have no reason or right to know why they’ve
come. All I can do is accept their presence gladly. And, together, we worship
God.” (Amazing Grace, page 63)
Even as I doubt with one breath, I believe with the next – perhaps I
can do this solely because of the company I keep. My mind races with questions.
I am conflicted at every turn. Yet I believe. I can’t even convey to you all
that I doubt, and it would impossible to tell you all that I believe. My best
bet is to keep good company and struggle with you and believe with you and doubt
with you and believe with you and question with you and believe with you.
God is with us – even in this very moment – just as surely as God was with those disciples in that locked room. They were afraid and they were together and God said, “Peace be with you.” Today we are together and some are afraid and God says, “Peace be with you.” Today we are together and some are lonely and God says, “Peace be with you.” Today we are together and some are troubled and some are even doubting and God says, “Peace be with you.” I believe that.
It is in Mark’s gospel that we hear the story of a man who brought his sick, convulsing, demon-possessed son to Jesus to be healed. The man pleads with Jesus – if you are able please help us. And Jesus says, “If you are able!” – and then he issues a statement saying believe. The father cries out in desperation and in hope – “I Believe – Help Thou My Unbelief!” I pray that will be my cry until the day I die. May it be so.
O God on this day, grant us your peace
That we might rest in your presence
That we might unlock the doors of our fear
That we might believe.
But it is you, O God, who created us with minds that think and question and doubt
It is you, O God who travels this journey with us – believing in us, forgiving us and loving us still.
It is you, O God, who can handle our cries of desperation.
It is in you that we hope. Thank you for giving us to one another so that we might keep good company. May we learn from one another. May we listen to one another. May we struggle together in this journey of faith – that whatever faith we do claim would somehow be stronger.
Forgive us when we doubt and never believe. Forgive us when we believe and never doubt. May we always seek to grow up I the way that leads to Life. Amen.